RAM

I'm writing what i am feeling now so that in the future, i can recall some of my past memories and recall how i had felt then. I am in the 2nd year of my Computer Engineering COurse. The course is tough and I'm struggling. Today, we have a lab. The lab last 2 hours but its almost impossible to finish it in time. So after the lab, i spent some time trying to finish my lab report and hand in before 5pm. I met two of my friends (both gals) who suggested that we finish it together. Everything seems alright. But, in actual fact, i felt really uncomfortable. The two gals are very hardworking while I am very lazy. If not i need to hand in the report, i would have leave it the way it was when i left the lab. I tried to concentrate on my work. But my mind kept thinking about why im so different. I already so different in many ways, why i cant be like the two gals. COncentrate on their studies and maybe boyfriends only. But the thing is, I cant. I preferred to be alone which explains why i am still unattached. I dont like to study all the while which explains why i skips so many classes. I dont like to mix around with too many people which explains why i prefer to face the computer than anything else. These made me very different from other. Today, looking at the two gals sitting with me in the library, i suddenly felt so lonely. It seems like im all alone in this world. No one can understand what i want. And i felt so inferior to them. It occur to me that these two gals are so 'normal' and i seems so abnormal. Then worries about my future comes in. I dont like to be in any relationship. But this cant go on forever. Social stress meant that somehow, i have to find someone. But deep in my heart, i knew that i prefer to be alone, doing things as and when i like. And there is also the problem of my studies. I doubt i can impress anyone in interview and my results isnt those very good ones, only average. All these thoughts made me really upset. I dont know why. In a way, im glad that im unique in anyway, but on the other hand, im afraid this uniqueness in me maybe the barrier between me and other people.